Hey, readers, it's time once again to go shopping for outlandish booze products at our favorite local liquor store: Shreck's! On special today is something truly remarkable: Chocovine, a product that I'm not sure anyone was demanding, but now that I know of its existence, can't imagine life without. The label, sporting a windmill and a field of tulips, proclaims itself to be "the taste of Dutch chocolate and fine red wine." Yes, you heard correctly: a drink consisting of chocolate and wine. Mixed together. From the vineyards of Holland. For a mere $10.49 you can kill two birds with one stone: satisfy your craving for Yoo-Hoo and get drunk! At the same time! Still not convinced? Well, me neither--I just couldn't bring myself to shell out a 10 spot & change to follow through with this questionable gastronomic experiment. Fortunately, one of my favorite food bloggers--James Norton, the Supertaster from Chow.com--has already done the leg (and stomach) work for me. Norton seeks out mass market-type food products from supermarkets and fast food joints, then writes thoughtful reviews from the perspective of one in full possession of a sophisticated flavor palate.
Regarding Chocovine, Norton seems curiously conflicted:
"This combination of wine, cream, and chocolate looks and pours like chocolate milk—although, if you hold your glass up to a bright light, you can see traces of red wine amid the Yoo-hoo. As for taste: Holy moly! It’s not wine. It’s not even vaguely wine. It’s something like Kahlúa meets Baileys, a creamy, chocolate-inflected cordial that is almost entirely lacking in fruit or tannins. You can just barely hear the wine gasping for air near the end of each sip, but it’s a minor player, mostly lending the alcohol that gives ChocoVine its 14 percent kick. Chocolate and cream are driving this bus, heading for a comfy party where guests sport appliqué-snowman sweater vests and nosh on Boursin cheese."
I'm a little surprised he is as generous as he is. When I first saw it on the shelf I recoiled in horror, simultaneously apologizing to my brain for making it think about what this concoction might taste like. I actually talked to a friend about Chocovine recently who encountered it at a holiday party--she basically confirmed my own instincts regarding the stuff, but curiously, she also equivocated in the direction of Norton's opinion: "I dunno," she said, "I guess it could be tolerable over some ice cubes. But it's not good, per se." Which is exactly Norton's conclusion:
"So it’s not terrible, as long as you tell yourself one important thing: “I’m not drinking wine. This is not wine.” If you’re looking to blow some minds over the holidays, purchase a bottle, bring it to a party, and watch complicated emotions swirl. Better yet, bring it to a party and put someone else’s name on the card."
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