Shreck's Photo Diary: Special Sale on "Energy Cola"

There's nothing like shopping for bargain booze on a Sunday at my favorite local beverage merchant, Shreck's Kentucky Liquor Store Drive-In, to get me in a good mood, readers. This week's special is a bevy of various incarnations from the Jolt Energy line, which, oddly enough, has me waxing nostalgic: it's a brand that I remember being introduced sometime in the mid-90's, just in time to reap the benefits of my grade school's problems with the epidemic use of over-the-counter stimulants by some of my junior junkie classmates (think: truck stop caffeine pills--AKA kiddie speed). The introduction of Jolt Cola--and it's more ethnic cousin, Josta--provided a nice chaser with which a tweaked-out 13-year-old could wash down his double dose of No Doz. Ah, memories!

I really didn't think they made this stuff anymore--I mean, doesn't it seem like the sort of thing that would have some gruesome, quasi-true urban legend attached to it? Like Pop Rocks or lawn darts? I just assumed they had taken it off the market shortly after the Clinton administration--but then, I suppose the introduction of modern "energy drinks" (ala Red Bull, Monster, Crunk!!!, and 5 Hour Energy) pulled this brand out of its inevitable decline/implosion (then again, their official website is bringing up an error message in Fire Fox...). So, the possibility that this is indeed a discontinued--and soon-to-be rare--product may make the asking price, $.75 or 2 for a dollar, a downright steal (especially for the Ebay set...).

Mercy Missiles to Attend ALA Annual

Oh, boy, readers--guess who's attending this year's American Library Association Annual Conference in our nation's capitol?! It's me, your humble biblio-correspondent! I just got my official ALA membership card in the mail yesterday and I'll be attending the big show in June with a compatriot, and I have to say--I'm really getting psyched up for it. My MLS degree was conferred to me in December, so I'll be walking into the profession's biggest annual event with the confident swagger of a know-it-all little upstart--I can't wait to see Nancy Pearl wagging her finger disapprovingly at me!

And speaking of celebrities (Nancy Pearl--a "celebrity" in library circles, anyway), I've just been checking out the conference's itinerary and have to admit, I'm getting pretty star struck. The opening general session speaker will be Toni Morrison! W-O-W! My undergraduate American Lit professor (in whose classes I read pretty much everything Morrison has written) would cry tears of joy if she knew I was going to be in the same room with her idol, and I'm pretty giddy at the prospect myself. And also: Art Spiegelman, best known for his graphic novel Maus: A Survivor's Tale, will also be on hand for a program about the value of maintaining comics and graphic novels as a special collection(!)

The only problem I foresee is my lackluster track record dealing with celebrities. I usually mumble something ridiculous/embarrassing, avoid eye contact, and run away after a few awkward seconds. This has been epidemic behavior for me in my past encounters with various rock and roll types (I once found myself in a public restroom with Kathleen Hanna! I defy you to think of a better way to play it cool in this situation than staring at the celebrity in gawking, open-mouthed astonishment. I sure couldn't). Acting like an anti-social weirdo is fine when you're just trying to impress some semi-obscure musician/performer, but I'll really have to step it up if I want to appear well-adjusted in front of a Nobel Prize winner.

More to come!

Six Flags Over State Property Theft

It looks like things are, as expected, beginning to get ugly (or uglier, if you've been keeping up with the local mud-slinging/finger pointing going on between 6F and the KY State Fair Board) in the Six Flags/Kentucky Kingdom theme park battle. There's been a Delaware bankruptcy court filing under consideration for Six Flags, in which out of the company's 14 theme parks only KY Kingdom is being closed down.

Apparently, trucks had been brought in sometime last week--being positioned around the rides in anticipation of dismantling them and carting them off to some undisclosed 6F lair. 6F says they own the rides, but the State Fair Board says they are KY state property. I know I, as a local, may seem to have a horse in this race (so to speak), but I can tell you that these rides were there in that sad little parking lot long before 6F unfurled their corporate banners over the place, and as I understand it 6F was only renting the property--they never had ownership. In fact, the lease agreement is the whole bone of contention that 6F used to fly the coop in the first place--they didn't buy the property or anything on it, they just rented and maintained it for a while. Hmm, it'll be interesting to watch this mess untangle itself--or, perhaps, tangle itself further.

Skunky Local Beer Available at Schreck's

Readers, I had high hopes for this stuff when I first spied it in the beer case at Schreck's. I liked the idea of a good local-ish beer (it's brewed in Lexington--should've probably been a warning sign, I guess), and I've been aware of it for a while but never tried it. Kentucky Ale seems like just the product to bring back a little regional pride to the local beer consuming public, and afterall: Ky bourbon is the best whiskey in the world, we should have no trouble creating a tasty beer, right? So I sold myself completely on the idea of this stuff, but how does Ky Ale actually taste? Boy howdy, is it nasty! The box gives information that, again, should have been a warning klaxon:

"Our Master Brewers describe Kentucky Ale as a marriage between two classic beer styles, Irish Red Ale and English Pale Ale."

Uh-oh, both of those things in one beer, Lexington? In my experience I've come to realize that it's usually better to just enjoy one thing at a time--unholy mash-ups, for all their promises of bringing you "the best of both worlds," are inevitably just vehicles of disappointment. No exception here with Kentucky Ale--it has a skunky, metallic, been-sitting-out-awhile taste right out of the bottle. I'm not happy to report that, as I was really rooting for this stuff to be good--afterall, KY Ale is the official beer of the Alltech FEI World Equestrian Games, which will be held in Lexington this year. Sadly, I cannot lend my support to this product. As a snooty Louisvillian, I will chalk this disappointing brew up to the ineptly lame brewing endeavors of Lexingtonians, and ask myself, in perpetuity: "what did I expect? Something good out of Lexington?" Pshaw!

Awful Library Books

I work at a small branch of my local public library, and it's sometimes my job to periodically remove books from the collection. I usually look for damaged materials, duplicates (extra copies of last year's reality show star memoir), or otherwise outdated things. I came across this gem on a recent weeding effort and I'm not sure if I can bring myself to actually take it out of circulation (even though its record says it hasn't been checked out since 1999!). It's Virgin Heat, by Laurence Shames (Orion, 1997).

The cover has to be one of the most disturbing ones I've come across, and that includes the particularly exploitative true crime types of books--the ones with over-exposed mugshot-laden covers that are intentionally in-your-face grotesque. There's just something about that innocent little kitty inside the sinister ring of fire (in conjunction with that lusty title) that makes me both anxious and grossed out. Is the kitten going to be okay? Is it heavy-handed 1997-era symbolism? What is this troubling image supposed to convey about the story?

It's apparently something about Key West, going by the blurb on the dust jacket, but it was oddly vague about events beyond that (looks like maybe an old lady type mystery who-dunnit sort of thing. Probably trying to cash in on Lilian Jackson Braun/Rita Mae Brown cat detective hype). I did some research on our Mr. Shames and apparently there was an entire series of Key West-inspired mystery novels to his name, although these days he writes Lost fanfiction (under the pseudonym Gary Troup). I guess the heady days of the 90's, with their sexy, Key West-based murder-mysteries, are truly over.

I guess I should also note that this is the large type version, and anyone familiar will know that LT covers tend to look pretty low-rent (for some reason)--they often use what appear to be public domain stock photos or middle school art projects whose subjects are loosely related to the content of the book (or are a literal translation of the title, as the LT cover designers probably don't trouble themselves to actually read the books they are creating covers for). Sometimes it's like someone copied and pasted some clip art from a Microsoft template or something. One wonders why they can't simply use the same cover design they used for the regular type version. But then, I guess we would be denied the pleasure of this version of Virgin Heat, the book about kittens being endangered in Key West.

I'll have to bring this to the attention of the Awful Library Books blog over at Wordpress (a very entertaining use of your time--if making fun of outdated and/or dumb library materials is entertaining for you).

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Oh, boy readers--lookit that! From the guy that brought you the zombie fiction sensation Pride and Prejudice and Zombies comes this weird addition to the suddenly gluttonous sub genre of horror mixed up with...what? A last minute cashing-in on Lincoln bicentennial fever? Hmm.

I guess so...this is one of those books, and I said this about P&P&Z, that is a funny idea that I get really excited about but then turns out to be a terrible idea in practice. Like, P&P&Z? Gawd, was it ever terrible and painful to read! If you want to imagine what it was like, then just imagine reading Pride and Prejudice...but now imagine it as being re-written nearly scene-for-scene in a haltingly awkward prose meant to mimic the original, plus gruesome zombie action, crudely engineered yet gleeful descriptions of flesh eating, and the bewildering inclusion of ninjas (not as fun as it sounds, trust me). Oh, and there's also some awful illustrations to look at.

So, bottom line: yes, I am going to buy this book. Am I proud of that? Well, not really. But what can you do? This guy has found my soft spot (Abraham Lincoln), and, for all my above sniffing, P&P&Z is an object on my bookshelf that is not out of place by any means (we have a fairly significant zombie fiction section in our collection), and the title and cover alone make it worth the inclusion, if not the content. I guess you could say its more of a conceptual inclusion. But really, one thing that most excites me is thinking about the much-needed segue Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter will make between the two sections of our book collection. Now the transition between horror/zombie related materials and Abraham Lincoln biographies on our bookshelf will not seem quite as jarring.

Real Cookware!

Oh boy, readers, it's finally happened--I've ventured out of the land of shamefully (and probably dangerously) worn out Teflon and into the realm of sleek and modern stainless steel! I've gotten to be a fairly proficient home chef in the past few years (if I do say so myself) and my husband and I finally sprung for a matching set of professional grade pots and pans--I am alarmed at how giddy it made me when I unpacked them today. They're from the Cuisinart Multiclad line of stainless steel (hurrah! No more eating dangerous particles of plastic by-products!), and they do look mighty handsome there on my counter, eh? I'm especially excited about the big soup pot, the imposing heft of the skillet, and the fact that I can put 'em all in the oven up to 500 degrees! W-O-W! I have a powerful urge to braise something!

Six White Flags Over an Unprofitable Parking Lot

So all the native Louisvillians out there will have already heard the news that Six Flags is closing down Kentucky Kingdom. This after they had made an announcement last year that they would be expanding the water park. Although, honestly, it all sounded very fishy to this Louisvillian, what with the common knowledge that the park attendance was way down, then later when SF had filed in June for bankruptcy protection and all. And lets not forget all the nightmare press over that gruesome severed feet incident of three years past. All these things contribute to the feeling of looming failure that has, since its dismal late-eighties premier, always clung to this place.

When it first opened in 1987 in the parking lot at the Ky Fair and Exposition Center it was about as Podunk a place as you could imagine--maybe a couple of steps above a well-funded brat's birthday party (think inflatable bounce castles and sad, broken pony rides). The park was initiated through the misguided ambitions of an eccentric local millionaire who figured he could do worse than throw some money at the local tourism industry--the idea re-payed him by promptly going belly-up after its first summer of operation. I'm a little hazy on the exact time line and other such details (I was, like, 7 years old at the time), but I seem to recall it laying dormant like the creepy haunted park in that episode of Scooby-Doo (the one with the robot phantom or something) for a while before someone else bought it and it reopened. Maybe it was the very next year.

The park changed hands a few times, becoming a popular teenage gathering place--and later a dangerous gang recruitment center, according to hazy recollections based on half-remembered "problem teen" stories on the local news from that time--before Six Flags eventually bought it and cleaned it up in the late 90's. It had improved quite a bit--bigger rides with brand names (T2, Mr. Freeze, Superman), Looney Tunes character endorsement--all the trappings of a corporate takeover, which for a theme park is probably a good thing. I had one of my very first shitty teenage jobs there, as a ride operator for the giant Ferris wheel. Amusement parks, like movie theaters, are run almost entirely by teenagers and the turnover was so rapid that I was basically given sole command of the wheel operation after my second week on the job (think about that the next time you are strapping into a "thrill ride").

But getting back to the idea of looming specters of failure: it always seemed like the place was star-crossed to begin with, and the theme kept playing itself out. The first roller coaster at the park was the Vampire--one of those that go through its coarse frontwards, then backwards--and it was infamous for breaking down, leaving its occupants stranded for hours. When it was finally removed, the story got out that it had originally been operating in Japan, but was dismantled and sold to Kentucky Kingdom because of the common local belief that it was cursed--no one in Japan would dare ride it. Then there was an incident around the time I was working there: the hiring staff failed to do any kind of background checks on the employees, even a very basic one--consequently it was found out that they had hired a registered sex offender, who was assigned to work in kiddie land (he was later fired when he was caught fondling some kids). Bad press like this has been the hallmark for the Kingdom, so I guess nobody should really be surprised that Six Flags is pulling up stakes. It'll be interesting to see what happens with the place now--I'm guessing it'll make a pretty good shanty town for teenage gangs, Japanese poltergeists and spooky robot phantoms.

Schreck's Photo Diary: Chocovine

Hey, readers, it's time once again to go shopping for outlandish booze products at our favorite local liquor store: Shreck's! On special today is something truly remarkable: Chocovine, a product that I'm not sure anyone was demanding, but now that I know of its existence, can't imagine life without. The label, sporting a windmill and a field of tulips, proclaims itself to be "the taste of Dutch chocolate and fine red wine." Yes, you heard correctly: a drink consisting of chocolate and wine. Mixed together. From the vineyards of Holland.

For a mere $10.49 you can kill two birds with one stone: satisfy your craving for Yoo-Hoo and get drunk! At the same time! Still not convinced? Well, me neither--I just couldn't bring myself to shell out a 10 spot & change to follow through with this questionable gastronomic experiment. Fortunately, one of my favorite food bloggers--James Norton, the Supertaster from Chow.com--has already done the leg (and stomach) work for me. Norton seeks out mass market-type food products from supermarkets and fast food joints, then writes thoughtful reviews from the perspective of one in full possession of a sophisticated flavor palate.

Regarding Chocovine, Norton seems curiously conflicted:

"This combination of wine, cream, and chocolate looks and pours like chocolate milk—although, if you hold your glass up to a bright light, you can see traces of red wine amid the Yoo-hoo. As for taste: Holy moly! It’s not wine. It’s not even vaguely wine. It’s something like Kahlúa meets Baileys, a creamy, chocolate-inflected cordial that is almost entirely lacking in fruit or tannins. You can just barely hear the wine gasping for air near the end of each sip, but it’s a minor player, mostly lending the alcohol that gives ChocoVine its 14 percent kick. Chocolate and cream are driving this bus, heading for a comfy party where guests sport appliqué-snowman sweater vests and nosh on Boursin cheese."

I'm a little surprised he is as generous as he is. When I first saw it on the shelf I recoiled in horror, simultaneously apologizing to my brain for making it think about what this concoction might taste like. I actually talked to a friend about Chocovine recently who encountered it at a holiday party--she basically confirmed my own instincts regarding the stuff, but curiously, she also equivocated in the direction of Norton's opinion: "I dunno," she said, "I guess it could be tolerable over some ice cubes. But it's not good, per se." Which is exactly Norton's conclusion:

"So it’s not terrible, as long as you tell yourself one important thing: “I’m not drinking wine. This is not wine.” If you’re looking to blow some minds over the holidays, purchase a bottle, bring it to a party, and watch complicated emotions swirl. Better yet, bring it to a party and put someone else’s name on the card."

Happy Groundhog Day, readers!

Happy, that is, if you enjoy the icy embrace of winter, because that little bastard saw his shadow again this year (that's 3 years running, for those of you keeping score and/or participating in the groundhog prognostication office pool). I don't mind the cold, but all the snow piles/ice/slush on the streets and sidewalks puts a damper on my half-marathon training (only 2 more months left!), so I for one wouldn't mind putting winter 2010 behind me in favor of nice, dry roads and non-twisted ankles. But alas, Punxsutawney Phil sees the looming phantasm of bleak, wintry days ahead (I imagine he interprets this dark omen as his own shadow). So I guess we can all start making our long term cold weather plans now--unless you live in Alaska and will be forced to listen to some know-nothing marmot this year (but honestly, it's Alaska, so of course you're getting more winter).

The 30 Second Rule

An excellent reference tool from the good folks over at the San Fransisco food blog SF Weekly.com. I'm not sure what my deal is lately, but I can't seem to get enough of these types of cheeky foodie blogs these days. What is it about food that breeds such fervent, well-written witty commentary? It seems like there's a huge amount of people writing, in one way or another, about food and food culture. Is devoting hours and hours to consuming, pondering and describing the culinary realm a prudent, thoughtful endeavor or obsessive gluttony? I'm not sure, but I do really enjoy thinking critically (and probably too deeply) about these sorts of things.