Talking to Married Guys

I've noticed recently that some--maybe most--married men act sorta strange when a lady who is unknown to them tries to engage them in conversation. I've noticed this mainly in the course of my job at the local public library. Generally they'll be courteous, but there's something about the interaction that says "I can't talk to you! Lookit this ring!"

It almost comes off as insulting, but most of the time the guy is so obviously struggling to maintain some balance between stand-offish aloofness and polite discourse (and somehow failing on both accounts) that it actually has the opposite effect: I tend to want to talk to them more. I suspect it is this sort of thing that attracts women to married men in the first place--this kind of behavior could easily be perceived as adorable and nonthreatening (two things that girls like, btw, gentlemen).You've heard the old complaint: once a dude gets married he suddenly feels like women are hitting on him, women who would not have given him the time of day when he was single! My husband tells me stories all the time about women brazenly batting their eyes at him, willfully disregarding his fully-visible wedding ring. Well, readers, I think I may have busted this one wide open.

Case in point: I helped a guy find a book the other day. He was probably 35-40-ish, sensibly dressed, with a 6 or 7-ish little girl in tow (another cliche female turn on: fathering skills on display). The book I got for him was Manhunt by James L. Swanson. Anyone who kept up with my summer read list this year knows I was completely ga-ga for this novelized non-fiction narrative about the 12 day chase for Abraham Lincoln's assassin. So of course I was in "sell" mode to this guy--I really wanted him to read it! I should note that most people I talk to want to read Danielle Steel or the new Oprah hotcake--nobody wants me to flex my readers' advisory muscles in the direction of Lincoln lore, they just want me to show them to the mystery-solving cat novels (yes, mystery-solving cat novels. it's a horrifying genre all its own). So I was very insistent about him checking out this book, making not less than 3 statements about it's "readability."

This seemed to freak him out, and from then on he communicated to me exclusively through comments to his daughter. "Daddy would like to read this, don't you think?" he asked her desperately. "Daddy will check out the book now," "Daddy can't find his library card, do you think he can use his drivers license?" Girl: "Ask if they have princess books!" She did not appreciate the dramady unfolding in front of her.