Baseball Steroid Scandal's Worst Kept Secret

Um, is ANYONE surprised at the news Monday about Mark McGwire finally admitting he used steroids and HGH during the '90s (including the year he hit 70 home runs)? I remember watching him lie, ahem, testify to Congress in 2005--I was on my lunch break back when I was delivering mail for the Post Office, and the horrible Lyndon BBQ joint I stopped at had their giant TV tuned to ESPN for the occasion. McGwire's comically huge head and rippled he-man shoulders filled the screen as crocodile tears streamed down his red, veiny cheeks and he promised that the tell-all book that the big, bad, attention whoring Jose Canseco wrote was nothing but an insidious web of lies.

Of course McGwire was the liar (could anyone have foreseen that Jose Canseco would ever be considered the most honest guy in baseball??). One by one, nearly every player Canseco outed for taking steroids and HGH has had to come forward and admit it, for one reason or another. McGwire's reason is that he wants to "come clean" so that St. Louis will hire him as a batting coach. Really, Mark? And why did you feel the need to do that? Maybe because he knew everyone saw through his embarrassing Congressional testimony for the blatant, transparent perjury that it was?

And now here he is looking for forgiveness in one of the most unforgiving organizations--baseball has doled out lifetime suspensions for criminal and/or shady behavior, and this situation should be no different (sorry, Pete Rose--I liked your hustle, but you turned out to be a pathetic lying bum, and there should be no awards for that). Additionally, his record breaker 1998 70 home runs should be expunged from the record books--an asterisk is too good for him--and all other known cheats (I'm looking at you, A-Fraud) should be tossed out in short order. Now let's hear what Barry Bonds has to say for himself (schmuck).