Louisville Mayor Candidate has "Great Idea" for Economic Development...

Readers, as you may have noticed, I've been sporadically reporting on the massive Louisville mayoral primary race. I can't really help it--you see, when our (quasi)beloved "mayor for life" Jerry Abramson (who had a strangle hold on the office for nearly 20 years) announced that he was not seeking reelection, we Louisvillians kind of lost our shit: now that the perennial shoe-in has bowed out, everybody wants a crack at this thing called "mayor" and there seems to be no campaign limit on crazy this election period.

I reported earlier on one special candidate who led the pack in that regard early on, but another contender for the coo-coo crown seems worth mentioning. Burrel Farnsley, son of Louisville's former mayor (1948-53), the late Charles Farnsley, has barely been a bleep on the radar here at MM: he avoids the press, doesn't seem to give interviews, and doesn't even have a website. He is pictured here at a mayoral candidate panel, um, asleep (maybe he's taking a cue from reigning king of Ky good ole' boys Jim Bunning--catching some zz's on the job didn't particularly seem to hurt his career...). Farnsley is pretty much just ballot filler at this point (along with a field of other less-than-hopefuls, ne'er do wells and half-cocked "community activists")--when we go to the polls for tomorrow's primary the only people who are likely to circle this guy's name are the disgruntled, the dangerously misinformed or that strange breed of jack-off who takes the time and trouble to cast their vote as a sort of irresponsible civic joke.

Case in point? Yesterday's Courier-Journal reported that Farnsley has halted his campaign effort. He hasn't withdrawn from the race, per se, but after participating in a few forums (like the one pictured above) he has "stopped actively campaigning." The poor C-J seems to be genuinely trying to get this guy some press, but Farnsley apparently screens his phone calls very carefully and lives pretty much off-grid (no Twitter account? Barbaric!). But the most enlightening part of the article was the little bit of information he apparently did provide regarding his idea for Louisville's economic growth:

"He said...that his major economic-development idea is to allow bars to remain open 24 hours a day, seven days a week." (!)

Well, finally! A candidate that understands that bar closing times need to extend beyond 4 AM to really contribute to the community! Pappa would be so proud.

Former Tina Turner Impersonator for Mayor(!)

hoooooo boy, readers: I knew the Louisville mayoral race (which, 7 months away from election day, has already begun to heat up) was going to get interesting, but I had not dared to hope for this interesting, this early. Lest you think the title of this post is in jest, let me first assure you that, yes, indeed we do have a candidate seriously contending to be our city's next mayor who, in a past career, was a Tina Turner impersonator (although it is currently unknown if she held any formal accreditation). Connie Marshall, a currently unemployed western Louisville resident (although some sources refer to her as a "community activist"...) is running as a Democrat along with Tyler Allen, Greg Fischer, David Tandy, Shannon White, Burrel Farnsley and, of course, the reviled Jim King.

You may be wondering what else Ms. Marshall has to offer besides her accomplished (we assume) knowledge and mastery of Tina Turner mannerisms and performance. Well, according to a recent article in the Courier-Journal, she is also quite the prolifically litigious nut bag: she's sued the Louisville Gas & Electric Company, the U.S. attorney, the governor, the sheriff, the chief of police, various police officers, FBI agents, the U.S. Department of Justice and a few federal judges--19 law suits in all, along with a handful of suits in Jefferson District Court. Marshall acknowledges that this is kind of a lot: "I've sued the whole town, because the whole town is corrupt. If I'm leaving anybody out, I just haven't gotten to it yet." So, residents of Louisville who are not currently being sued by Connie Marshall, don't worry: it'll be your turn sooner or later--it's just that Connie has not yet been made aware of your vile corruption.

The suits claim harassment, intimidation, waste, fraud, racism, physical and mental assault, illegal incarceration and surveillance. But the coup de grace? Brace yourself: she says she is the victim of electromagnetic attacks from the government(!) They manifest themselves, she explains, through a "piercing and humming electronic sound that come into her home through telephones or other electronic devices." These attacks, she says, are apparently coming from satellites or drones that "often hover above her western Louisville home, causing her pain and sometimes paralyzing her for minutes." She claims that she is also being watched through her television: "You can tell when it's happening because the TV (screen) gets real bright." Apparently Marshall's platform for mayor will be based on wild-eyed anti-government conspiracy theory and, as Louisville's alt-weekly, LEO, remarked "other tinfoil-hat stuff." According to the C-J article: "...as mayor, she would help people who are suffering from similar attacks and anyone else who needs assistance from metro government." Yes, excuse me mayor: my neighbor's garbage cans are not in accordance with the city's ordinance...oh, and, uh, their dog has been illegally transmitting some disturbing messages to me through my toaster oven.

So, yeah--elect Crazy McGee for Louisville mayor and you can expect her to: a) wage war on the government (destroy it from within, I guess), b) say so many insane things on a daily basis that it'll make Jim Bunning seem mentally stable, and, probably: c) sue your ass. Realistically I know Connie doesn't stand a chance of getting her party's nomination (anybody else smell a future lawsuit?), but you know what? If she was smart enough to run as a Republican she could probably give em a run for their money by riding the wave of tea-baggin' anti-government angst. All she has to do is switch parties and start referring to her plight as the "elite big government socialist mind control agenda" and she's golden.