Former Tina Turner Impersonator for Mayor(!)

hoooooo boy, readers: I knew the Louisville mayoral race (which, 7 months away from election day, has already begun to heat up) was going to get interesting, but I had not dared to hope for this interesting, this early. Lest you think the title of this post is in jest, let me first assure you that, yes, indeed we do have a candidate seriously contending to be our city's next mayor who, in a past career, was a Tina Turner impersonator (although it is currently unknown if she held any formal accreditation). Connie Marshall, a currently unemployed western Louisville resident (although some sources refer to her as a "community activist"...) is running as a Democrat along with Tyler Allen, Greg Fischer, David Tandy, Shannon White, Burrel Farnsley and, of course, the reviled Jim King.

You may be wondering what else Ms. Marshall has to offer besides her accomplished (we assume) knowledge and mastery of Tina Turner mannerisms and performance. Well, according to a recent article in the Courier-Journal, she is also quite the prolifically litigious nut bag: she's sued the Louisville Gas & Electric Company, the U.S. attorney, the governor, the sheriff, the chief of police, various police officers, FBI agents, the U.S. Department of Justice and a few federal judges--19 law suits in all, along with a handful of suits in Jefferson District Court. Marshall acknowledges that this is kind of a lot: "I've sued the whole town, because the whole town is corrupt. If I'm leaving anybody out, I just haven't gotten to it yet." So, residents of Louisville who are not currently being sued by Connie Marshall, don't worry: it'll be your turn sooner or later--it's just that Connie has not yet been made aware of your vile corruption.

The suits claim harassment, intimidation, waste, fraud, racism, physical and mental assault, illegal incarceration and surveillance. But the coup de grace? Brace yourself: she says she is the victim of electromagnetic attacks from the government(!) They manifest themselves, she explains, through a "piercing and humming electronic sound that come into her home through telephones or other electronic devices." These attacks, she says, are apparently coming from satellites or drones that "often hover above her western Louisville home, causing her pain and sometimes paralyzing her for minutes." She claims that she is also being watched through her television: "You can tell when it's happening because the TV (screen) gets real bright." Apparently Marshall's platform for mayor will be based on wild-eyed anti-government conspiracy theory and, as Louisville's alt-weekly, LEO, remarked "other tinfoil-hat stuff." According to the C-J article: "...as mayor, she would help people who are suffering from similar attacks and anyone else who needs assistance from metro government." Yes, excuse me mayor: my neighbor's garbage cans are not in accordance with the city's ordinance...oh, and, uh, their dog has been illegally transmitting some disturbing messages to me through my toaster oven.

So, yeah--elect Crazy McGee for Louisville mayor and you can expect her to: a) wage war on the government (destroy it from within, I guess), b) say so many insane things on a daily basis that it'll make Jim Bunning seem mentally stable, and, probably: c) sue your ass. Realistically I know Connie doesn't stand a chance of getting her party's nomination (anybody else smell a future lawsuit?), but you know what? If she was smart enough to run as a Republican she could probably give em a run for their money by riding the wave of tea-baggin' anti-government angst. All she has to do is switch parties and start referring to her plight as the "elite big government socialist mind control agenda" and she's golden.